What's up world?

Last night I watched Lions for Lambs. It was Hollywood's (the entity/city/media not the famous blogger of the same name) slap in the dick to our government. They (Meryl Streep=Hollywood) said and I quote "Now is a terrible time to be an American." He (Tom Cruise=Our Government) said "No!" Meryl (remember Meryl=Hollywood) said "Umm you can admit that it's top 5 one of the worst times in our history to wave the 'ol stars and stripes"

This movie made me hurt and think. (all the while satisfying my political science boner) As a man with a more than considerable amount of intestinal fortitude, it took a lot to wrench my gut, but it did. Maybe it was Tom Cruise's perfect grin or Meryl Streep's cleavage. I don't know. But apparently, (because Tom said it and I believe everything he's ever said since "sometimes you just gotta say fuck it) we're ok. But Meryl said we're not. But Robert Redford directed it, and he said "we may be ok." Hmm. Confusing.

In light of this recent event, I've decided to get to the bottom of the "It's bad to be American" vibe. I call this segment What's up world?

There are a shitload of other countries. I'm going to use the internet (American Internet) and look at one at a time and prove that we are still better based purely on WHAT'S GOING ON WITH THEM! I know, it's brilliant. AND FOOLPROOF.

Today's country: oh, I don't know, how about you.... LEBANON!

May 27, 2008- Lebanon's parliamentary majority coalition agreed on Tuesday to nominate Prime Minister Fouad Siniora to form the country's first government under newly elected President Michel Suleiman.

Why we're better: It seems like every damn day we're getting shit from Greece or England or one of those other old countries saying we're too young. We've only had a government for 232 years. But it's been a kickass one. Lebanon is starting its first. Either that's poorly worded reporting, or they're just having a tough time. Man! It sure is a rough time to be Lebanese.

May 13, 2008: Saad al-Hariri, the leader of Lebanon's ruling coalition, today vowed not to surrender to what he described as an attempt by Hezbollah and its Syrian and Iranian backers to impose their will by force.

"They simply are demanding that we surrender, they want Beirut to raise white flags... This is impossible," he told a news conference after a week of violence between Hezbollah militias and pro-government gunmen that has left 81 people dead.

Why we're better: We share a mutual hatred for Syria and Iran. That's cool. But our hatred is way more hateful! Also, it isn't impossible for us to raise white flags. We have the proper material. Apparently, Lebanon doesn't even have cloth! Wow, maybe if i wanted to be naked all the time I'd be in Lebanon. Sure is tough to Lebanese.

February 12, 2008: Beirut's legendary nightlife has survived wars, invasions and assassinations. But the bars and clubs are slowly being strangled by the ongoing political crisis. This city used to be the unambiguous "party capital of the Middle East" Now a chorus of depression seems to be drowning out Beirut's famous hedonistic vibe.

Mohammed Chehab - a regular in Monot Street's once-teeming RAI club - said: "Before, it was very good. The nightlife was on fire! "Now, because of the unstable situation in Lebanon, people are afraid to come out. They are scared of explosions."

Why we're better: I'm not touching the "scared of explosions" quote with a 10 foot pole. But I would like to point out that Beirut's legendary nightlife (which has survived wars!) is being strangled. Strangled like the.. well you get the idea. Look at America! We had a civil war too, but you know Ulysses S. Grant still got down! And he was part of the war!

Political crisis? Apparently we're going through a political crisis too. Supposedly we've been in Iraq six years. We haven't been doing enough diplomatically across the globe. Pages are jerking off senators. BUT WE CAN STILL PARTY! You don't see college co-eds in Clemson, South Carolina quitting. What's up Beirut! You don't see Americans NOT driving drunk because some Congressman from North Dakota is racketeering. HA! if anything we drink harder. If George W. Bush was allowed a third term and we once again elected him, we wouldn't stop knocking on "EL Cabana Lebanon's" door, we'd tear it down. No more party. No more fun. Psh, sure is rough to be Lebanese.


Now I hope we all learned something from this calm discussion riddled with facts. I apologize to all my Gutsies out there who think I was a bit harsh. Blame Hollywood (again, the entity, not the famous blogger and gentleman of wonder and amazement of the same name). Meryl Streep did things to me with her mouth last night that I will never forget. Now I am bitter. It was bad enough I spent 4 years learning the science of politics, I didn't need this movie to SCARE THE CRAP OUT OF ME. Well now you've released a beast, Hollywood/Meryl Streep/Robert Redford. Popularly there are 195 Countries in the world (194 excepting the United States of America) and I am gonna get every one of them. That's right Malta! and you too Texas! I'm coming. Am I just another ignorant American (that's right Meryl, I'm using your words)? I don't think so. I think I just have Guts.


Guts in no way hates Lebanon. He thinks Lebanon is a nice country and continues to offer his support in their effort to build a formidable and sound governmental system. He doesn't like Iran or Syria all that much, so he doesn't take that back. But he definitely does not hate Lebanon. He was just trying to show Hollywood (again, the city not the blogger) that they made him into a monster and they royally fucked his heart with Lions for Lambs (8/10). Again, Lebanon is alright. Not as good as America, but alright. Guts would like to end with the Lebanese national motto. "All for country, for glory, and the flag!"