A Man With No Feet

As a young professional, I think the first thing that happened to me today needs to be mentioned.

I woke up at 7:00 a.m. This is the usual time I wake up. I do one of two things. I make two eggs over-easy and read the morning paper while sipping ULTRA-EXPENSIVE brazilian mocha cream hazelnut blend coffee. Or I hit the snooze button exactly 6 times (every ten minutes) until 8:00 a.m.

Today I hit the snooze button. I'm out of both my brazilian blend and my Columbian Mega Nut Brand, also domestic coffee prices are up along the Kona coast of the Big Island and I'm not about to portfolio-erate my dividends in that market.

Next, I put on my business khakis and buttoned-up my Obama blue dress shirt. After I got my Argyle socks and stupidly expensive brown dress shoes on I gathered my keys and attache case and walked brilliantly out the back door.

Now each day, as long as weather permits, I walk the 1 and 1/2 miles to work. Why Guts? Why do I walk and not use my flying car? because the common person soothes me. Today, though, I had quite the encounter with the common person.

I was walking down the alley (which is a direct line to the bridge I have to cross) about 2 blocks from my home when I was startled by a low voice coming from a small cement alcove behind the local Popeye's. "Young fella, can you help me up?" That's what he said to me. I have a heart of gold so I turned to him to see if he was serious or if he was just looking for my business card. Then he literally said "I've fallen and I can't get up." Now I'm a sucker for the Ninja Turtles so I really wasn't about to let this guy go. He looked a little bit like the love-child of Omar Epps and Carl Winslow (which I think is possible). I thought, hey I'm dressed for success, I've got the wind at my back, I'll give this guy a hand.

Now, this was no easy manuever. The man really couldn't get up, not too mention his pants were falling plumber style as we worked through this whole ordeal and I'm pretty sure the dirt and crud on the ground that smelled like what Nums does in my toilet every weekend came out of him sometime earlier. Even this was not about to deter me on the day of our Pennsylvania Primary. Finally after 2 solid minutes of ropeless tug of war we managed to work together to get him in sitting position. I was starting to break a sweat, I know because I could smell the earthy pomegranate citrus herbal quaff I had the night before after my 100 mile run, seeping out. I hunkered down for the last stretch of this task at hand that could only be described as impossible smelling and with one mighty pull I had him upright and all was right with the world.

Expecting now, naturally, to be asked to carry him on my back, or donate to his youth group, or get shot, I braced myself. "Let me give you some money." He said reaching for his back pocket which I'm sure was empty because it was constantly at eye level with me the whole time he was getting to his feet. I said, "Sir, I don't need your money. I'm just glad you're okay." He pounded his chest in an act of comraderie and I pounded back. Then I continued on my way and he called after me. "HEY! YOUNG BUCK! WHO ARE YOU VOTING FOR?" I let a smile go and told him simply, "Ah, I wish I could say but it isn't in my Republocrat heart to say which Demopublican I may or may not cast a vote for." He smiled back and said, "I think I'm gonna vote for you."

This is why I love America. Guts '08