D10 Men of Distinction

Welcome dear readers, to the D10's newest feature, The Men of Distinction column. Over the course of the next few days or weeks or something, I, Boots himself, will be carving out the faces that the D10 would have on top of Mt. Flushmore. Qualified canidates may come from film, literature, real life, or even be the former roommate of a D10 member studying Chinese in Hangzhou. Candidates will be judged on categories that are likely too sophisticated for you simpletons to understand, so there is really no reason for me to describe them further. Without further ramblings, our first honoree, Bernard Berkman of The Squid and the Whale.
Name:Dr Bernard Berkman (PhD in literature)
Profession: Published author, professor of literature
Profile:
-Enjoys dense literature
-Has son that humps bookshelves, rubs ejaculate on locker
-Believes turtles to be amphibians
-Looks down on non-intellectuals (Philistines) or someone "who doesn't care about books, interesting films, and things" (example:Ivan the tennis pro, ex-wife's brother Ned).
-Fired former agent, Fred, for making disparaging remark about the Knicks (He said they played like thugs). Bernard found this very offensive
-Believes himself to be playing the best tennis of his life, though concedes it may be an illusion
-Makes veal cutlets
-Request live-in student to "Put me in your mouth"

Congratulations Bernard!

Also belated happy birthday to the D10's very own "Nums"