Ask Mr. Wikipedia.

Mr. Wikipedia would first like to applaud the Wiki-mention in the post below. Don't forget to wiki-check it out! Wiki-thanks!

Today, we received a letter from New Newland, New Jersey.

Dear Mr. Wikipedia,

I am a meth dealer, I deal in methamphetamine. It ruins lives. Not mine; other lives. Anyway, in the depth of human knowledge, has anyone ever devised a way to quickly dispose of methampetamine crystals from a car with the maximum amount of pizazz possible. I am scared that, if pulled over while transporting, I'll be stuck with a few kilos of ice and a bunch of disappointed cops.

Thanks,
Iceman


Dear Iceman,
Does Wikipedia have an answer for you? It depends... Does a rocket shooting out of your trunk have enough pizazz? Then, wiki-yes, wikipedia has an answer. I stumbled upon it while discussing the merits of safe, large-scale methamphetamine production with a colleague from chemical engineering. He stated that by producing the drug under more tightly controlled conditions, he could bring the product to the consumer at a much cheaper cost due to less overhead from explosion-and-fume-related insurance claims. I agreed, but I offered that someone has probably tried this. A cursory wikipedia search revealed this photograph, showing industry-grade meth production in indonesia:


We both agreed that he could still undercut the market by producing locally and to less-than-industrial standards.

Getting back to your question, the same article revealed an almost-too-good-to-be-true answer. It seems that, in 2005, intrepid ice smugglers in Missouri (where there is more meth ice than water ice, apparently) devised an ingenious contraption that would launch a rocket carrying a meth payload (get it: pay-load) to the lower troposphere at a press of a button.



Unfortunately for our methamphetamineers, the plan didn't work: the rocket didn't go off, the police didn't freak out and possibly open fire, and the guys weren't sent to gitmo. They were, however, apprehended, along with the contraption (and, one would assume, the sweet sound system they had in the back). With proper testing, though, it this method has real potential to meet your needs.

Still, my mind goes back to those methamph-Edisons. I only wonder, if the rocket would have actually gone off as planned, would they yell 'Fire!' or 'Ice!'

Side note: In my studies, I discovered that a malady commonly referred to as 'Meth mouth' is mainly the result of poor oral hygiene often practiced by users, not any corrosive factors due to the use of meth itself.

Second side note: If you click on the link the Joplin Independent newspaper above and go to the bottom, you can see this picture:

Apparently, the man on the right's face was 'obliterated to preserve his anonymity.' Bravo, Joplin, bravo (I tried thinking of a Joplin-musician-Ragtime-newspaper-rag pun here, but failed).