CHICAGO (AP) -- Speaking during a news conference at the Juicy Pavilion, The Dirty Ten announced on Sunday that it would soon be holding its 1st Annual Fitness Challenge.
"People look to the D10 for leadership in these times of terrorism and an uncertain housing market" a spokesman identifying himself only as 'Hollywood' said in a prepared statement. "In recent years, we've seen an obesity epidemic arise in this country. Also in recent years, The Dirty Ten have held exactly zero Fitness Challenges. Coincidence? You tell me."
Mr. Hollywood then departed from his written statement to comment on the novelty of a press conference in which the subject was posing questions to the media, and not the other way around.
"I bet you guys thought you had seen it all," he boasted "[B]ut here we are, turning the tables on you. That's what the D10 is/are all about, baby."
Mr. Hollywood went on to explain the nature of the challenge. Beginning at 8 a.m. on Friday, March 21st, all participating Dirty Ten members will go without sleep for 48 consecutive hours. Other facets of the challenge include the challenge of performing 1000 push-up over a ten-hour span and running a 6-minute mile. One-on-one basketball will also enter the picture, with all parties failing the challenge unless everyone involved wins five (5) games. All competitors must "try their hardest," however.
Hollywood was asked to expound on the "Fitness" element of staying awake for 48 consecutive hours:
"Last week Boots and myself saw the film The Lives of Others and in it there was an East German interrogation specialist; a real 'bad [rump]' type. At one point, he says 'They (the interrogation subjects) always break by the 48th hour'. That didn't sit right with me at the time, and I think that this challenge -- if we can stay up for 48 hours without breaking -- is a great way to prove those commie bastards wrong once and for all and fight childhood obesity at the same time."
When asked what 'breaking' meant and who he was referring to as "commie bastards," Hollywood was evasive.
"Hey, I thought I was asking the questions here!" he said, referencing the incident from the beginning stages of the press conference. "How ironic was that, by the way? You guys [the media] obviously don't like it when the hunter becomes the hunted. It's about time someone put you guys in your place. Hey, don't worry I'm just teasing you."
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1 comments:
What I'd not advise is an afternoon and evening of drinking followed by a trip to the backer, followed by more of the same. I think the final tally last week was 46 hours when I finally was simply too bored to want to stay up.
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