D10 Correspondent in the Orient

As some of you may know, a close friend and the Michael Jordan of the D10, is spending close to a year teaching in China. After waking at 4 am and not being able to fall back asleep, I was fortunate enough to catch up with him via the great chat feature provided by Google Mail (6428 MB and counting). Here is a piece of that conversation, edited for length:

Editors Note: To protect the anonymity of our correspondent, we will refer to him by the handle"China Hank"

To Phil: Sorry I told everyone your idea , don't unleash your dragon on me!

2/16/08 Boots and China Hank

China Hank: phil, our current roommate, is borderline insane, the biggest narcissist, meglomaniac, you will ever meet

me: haha, how so

China Hank: talks about how big his dick is, how many chicks he can get, how is a "global player" all the time

me: hahahaha

China Hank: every day the same with this guy. if he didnt buy us whiskey every night at the club (the G Plus) then we couldnt put up with it

me: how old is he

China Hank: he is delusional, three days ago at 5 30 in the morning he woke up our entire apartment and had us accompany him to this club where he claims the chinese wait staff stole his phone and 1000 euro scarf

me: he has a scarf that cost 1000 euro???

China Hank: which they probably did...but anyway he walks into the club with like 7 sleepy disheveled looking guys behind him and starts screaming his ass off
he is telling people that he is going to buy the club and then close it down because in his words "he pisses 100 euros"
the scarf...apparently the german government gave it to him as a gift because he was the greatest soldier of all time

me: hahaha

China Hank: he is 23 like us but acts like he is 45 year old baller
then the cops came
and his chinese is terrible, his german accent really comes through
so it is jon and i who are doing the talking
just some of the more absurd things i have seen this past month...oh man

me: thats pretty funny man

China Hank: man hangzhou is a party, pay the american price often, can get away with english a half of the time
its a world apart from the frozen rural north
i was happy to see the giants win that game

me: yeah, plus you'll have to leave phil

China Hank: fucking a...we have recorded a few of his outbursts
he comes into my room today and told me that his dick was as big as a dragon's

China Hank: and that 500 % tonight he fucks

me: haha, did he?

China Hank: the thing is though that every day he guarantees to fuck and has not pulled shit
i actually scored with a chinese chick the other night

me: you ever call him on it
you fuck her?

China Hank: no we just lead him on
like we are the most sarcastic assholes around him
all the time we are like man fuck that you are a global player
and he is like this is right
or the "goal point|
ya i lost my chinese v card

me: how was she

China Hank: girl doesnt speak a word of English. pick her up at the club at 4 am...make bullshit small talk, danced til 4 30...then i propositioned for her to come hom and i thought she said no but 5 mins later she reappeared with her coat and purse so apparently she said yes

me: damn

China Hank: then we go home and i am like barely keeping the conversation going
like understanding 50% of what she says
we go back and fuck til the sun comes up
then after we wake up it was soo awkward

me: how was getting to that point, like cause you can't be like, so are we gonna fuck

China Hank: like she wants to talk chinese to me and i am just like what the fuck
we were both drunk enough i guess yo ucould say
she is actually calling right now.....haha
fuck

me: haha, thats great man

China Hank: ha
wow pretty pathetic conversation

me: she wanna bang again?

China Hank: asked me where i was i said i was sick and was going to remain home
told her i was going to give her a call later
then she muttered something i didnt understand

me: you gonna give her a call?

China Hank: and i laughed and said "a good night to you too...zaijian, literally tranlated as see you soon
no i cant call her back because now she wants like a relationship
the first night was just a fuck
but two nights she came back and we didnt f
anyway enough of this bullshit....

China Hank: well phil just told us to stop acting like pussies and its time to go to the g plus

me: alright, take a shot of whiskey for your boys back in the states

China Hank: last time we went at one point in the evening he claimed that the dj is playing tracks that he knew phil would love
there is like 300 people at the club, the dj never once saw him

me: he must be big time

China Hank: the best is when he starts to scribble his business ideas on the cocktail napkin and then sighs "i hate to do business at the club"
we are like ya man but you got to do what you got to do

me: this kids sounds awesome

China Hank: haha...oh man too much, too fucking much
his idea last night was for BMW to come out with the M8
cuz you know they have the m6 right now but not the m8

me: that is a really good idea

China Hank: thats what i told him

me: did he write it down

China Hank: the global player he is
i believe so will do on the whiskey
aight man good talk...stay in touch
ping an wode tongxue, pengyou, co-waiguoren

me: k, later man

China Hank: peace my college roommate, friend, fellow traveler