D10 On Location: Tanzania

D10 Foreign Correspondent (as in "a correspondent who travels to other countries" --- we would never hire a foreigner) Boots himself has a dispatch from his sojurn abroad in Tanzania. I've reproduced it below as faitfully as allowable under the circumstances:

Minnesota Rube in Tanzania
A simpleton's observations from the field

All of the following are somewhat true.
Some of the following are completely true.
None of you should judge too harshly.

I. Hyper Critical Villagers- The people of my village have taken to informing me that I don't know Kiswahili and that I really need to learn it if I hope to teach the students anything. I attribute this to two factors: 1.The other volunteer in my village is a Kiswahili virtuoso and they are juxtaposing my ineptitude with her prowess. 2. I spent far more time than I should have playing hackey sack during training. Though I often feigned being indignant at their criticism, I was actually chuckling to myself… after all my Kiswahili thrashed their English.

One day as I was walking home from the village a man I had met once before stopped and offered me a ride home on his pikipiki. I politely declined in my best Kiswahili, explaining that the Peace Corp had told me that if I was to get on a pikipiki I would have to ride back to America. The man laughed at me and replied in English that you can't ride a pikipiki (Ed Note: I really think Wikipedia's wrong on this one)from Tanzania to America because there is an ocean in between. He was right of course. Come to think of it, so too were those 'hyper critical villagers.'

II. A Fools Boast- There was a volunteer in my CBT who after tasting the delicious oranges produced here in country, boasted on numerous occasions to anyone who would listen that he could "eat fifty machungwa in one day, no problem." The most current report is that after one month at site he has not managed to eat more than three in a single day. He attributes this to his limited budget and that they "make his teeth hurt a little bit." Despite the lack of results, he still stands firmly by his previous claim.

III. Crime & Punishment- Having had a strong interest in Crime and Punishment since my early years as a teenage delinquent, I've notice a strange pattern developing here in Tanzania: A man who is caught trying to pinch a little bread money from another man's pocket is unceremoniously gang beaten to death in the street while high ranking government officials caught stealing millions escape with a mere slap on the wrist. Even to a simpleton like me the lesson is obvious: If I'm going to support my raging citrus habit while avoiding serious consequences, I must take care to only steal from those with pesa a plenty.

IV. Butch Cassidy and The Sundance Kid- Shortly after arriving at site I decided to acquire two cats to combat the wadudu (as near as I can tell, this means vermin and/or surf bums) and panya that were sharing my new home with me. I decided to name my feline companions after my favorite movie characters of all time, Butch Cassidy and The Sundance Kid. It was a terribly sad day for me just a week later when I was forced to split up the legendary duo (Sunny as I'd taken to calling him was shipped to the other side of the village). You see I just couldn't stand the great injustice being done to the late great Paul Newman's legacy every time that The Sundance Kid 'mounted' Butch Cassidy. I've since realized I could have just renamed the cats.
Stay safe out there friends, drink plenty of water, and remember to always always use protection…you know, your bike helmet.