Back to the Future

I made my first visit to a dental professional since the Clinton Administration yesterday. The reason for interrupting this blissful streat of self-care was the Saturday onset of a very strange, very painful feeling of something (a wisdom tooth?) trying to force it's way through a point in my jaw where there were already teeth.

My new dentist (who is extremely hot)took an X-ray and revealed to me the Gordian knot the upper right quadrant of my pie-hole has become these last ten years. Apparently I need root canals and tooth extractions out the wazoo. On a related note, this will probably be my last post since I am going to have to sell my computer and the rest of my possessions to pay for future dental costs. Don't feel bad for me, though, because I kind of think of them like dates since my dentist is, as I said before, extremely hot.

In any case, part one of this horrific saga of orthodontia occured yesterday, with my beloved Tooth Fairy extracting a tooth root (from a failed root canal of ~ 10 years ago) that had to come out between two teeth that are already there. It was gross and it hurt quite a bit. That's not the least of it, though. Let me tell you about the blood.

Have you ever heard of that movie, There Will Be Blood? I am presently living out every verb-conjugation and -tense permutation of that title that one could imagine. I got home yesterday at about 5 p.m. The gauze lasted me until 9. Then I consulted the Google:


First Aid:How To Help With A Bleeding Tooth Socket

The tea bags got me through until approximately midnight. Trying to sleep resulted in yors truly waking up every forty minutes or so with one of those disgusting gelatinous blood booger things sitting right on my windpipe. Since then, I've been noshing away on a (once) clean towel.

Do not worry for me, though. I am trying to be level-headed about all of this, and I've come to the comforting conclusion that I will have to stop bleeding eventually. Or die.